Banana Guard

Once in every generation there comes a technological breakthrough so stunning that it changes our way of life. Who could imagine life without fire, the telephone, underpants, or sword-chucks? Not me, that's for sure. Well here at Spork we've just received a breathless report of another life-changing breakthrough from the realm of science fiction. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to enter the brave new world of Banana Guard!

Everybody likes bananas. They're delicious, but alas, they're not the hardiest of fruits. Smash a banana between two coconuts and you can be sure it isn't the coconuts who will come off worst. In fact, even if you reverse the situation and smash a coconut between two bananas, our hirsute tropical friend will still be laughing all the way. It doesn't seem fair.

But now, perhaps, the tables have turned. Banana Guard is a tough plastic exoskeleton for your banana to wear when going into battle in the dangerous world of your lunchbox. Protected by this mighty polymer shield, your bent yellow friend should be held in a state of unsquished stasis until such time as you call upon to give its life in the name of sustenance.

Banana Guard comes in a range of funky colours, including glow-in-the-dark, which should be very handy for ninjas needing a snack in the middle of stealthy night missions. We are, however, less certain about the intended use of the guard coloured "Passionate Purple". Especially when the manufacturer's FAQ takes time to address such questions as:

Q: "Is there a battery attachment?"
A : No. The Banana Guard was designed for its intended purpose only as a device to prevent banana trauma during transport.

The mind boggles. Especially when a Google image search for "banana guard" produces pictures of scantily clad studs such as the one on the right.

Anyway, Banana Guards cost about £4 each, and are available to anybody aged over the age of 18*. Go on, your banana will thank you. Until you destroy it with your murderous teeth, that is.

*or those under 18 who have stolen their mum's card and are recklessly cutting a swathe through the world of online retailing.

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